Sunday, March 18, 2007

Even A Half Hour Orgasm Would Be An Improvement

I saw a copy of "The One Hour Orgasm" at the store the other week. I think a lot of people look at this and think "Wow, that would be fantastic!" That just goes to show that they haven't thought it out. Imagine being just five minutes into your hour when an electrical fire breaks out. Would you have the presence of mind, sheer muscle control, and lack of shame to wake the kids, get everyone out of the house, call 911 and speak to the authorities, while experiencing your continuous and unrelenting orgasm? I know I wouldn't.

You may have seen films on the greater primates in which the Alpha Male is feared by all until, in the heat of passion with some lady friend, he's unexpectedly clobbered by some little Gamma shit who knows that fighting fair isn't what works for him. What if that noble ape had this book signed to him and partook of its lessons? I guarantee he'd be dead within the first forty-five minutes of orgasm while his fair-weather lackeys gleefully kicked him to the consistency of porridge.

What's a normal orgasm? Fifteen seconds? Maybe twenty? There's a reason we evolved that way. So that our inferiors couldn't steal our wallets, grab a quick bite to eat and buy a gift for their mothers, before returning our maxed out cards right there in front of us and then leaving town, all while we were still cumming our dopamine-soaked brains out. One hour, my friends, would be the complete and utter downfall of our hard won civilization.

And let's not even get into the necessary replenishment of bodily fluids.

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