The Fixer

THE FIXER
by Matthew Sanborn Smith

We had ourselves a desert planet at last. However, Dune was much more fun than this. For one thing just about everything that wasn't dead before was very dead now.

When the Uelp discovered Earth, they found it much too wet a world for their liking. They stuck the planet inside a gigantic clothes dryer and tumbled Earth to its destruction. It cost them trillions of dollars in quarters and the ghosts of old Earth got their revenge when the Uelp had to clean the lint trap. Man, was that gross. The aliens left and never returned.

A few of us were off world at the time, but watched the whole thing on vid feed. We couldn't spare a lot of people so they sent me to fix everything. Probably because I was the only guy with a plan. When I got to Earth, I plugged in my little humidifier, kicked back, and waited for the world to come back to life.

After a while I got something to drink.