Did I Say Sunshine? I Meant Stinkshine

Okay, it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't good. Sunshine was a beautiful movie to look at. In fact I would much rather have seen it in a theater, but it was in and out of the local palaces too quickly for my retail-scheduled ass. There were too many stupid things going on in this film, too many stupid people and some questionable engineering. Add this to the pile of might-have-beens, on top of Supernova (But I still love you, Angela Bassett!), Event Horizon, Mission to Mars and countless others. Even if it had been on my shoulders it would not have made me happy.

My First Purple Moon

The full moon was dark purple just a half hour ago in the smoke from the Florida wildfires. It was only slightly brighter than the pre-dawn sky around it as if nature experienced a brown-out. To my knowledge there are no fires within fifty miles, but they are on three sides of us. When the when blows from any direction but that of the Atlantic Ocean, we smell smoke and have for more than a week now. Little man, in the form of a handful of arsonists, has colluded with dry and windy nature to create something powerful and newsworthy and home-destroying.

I get a purple moon.

The World's Biggest Waterslide, Day Three

THE WORLD’S BIGGEST WATERSLIDE, DAY THREE
By Matthew Sanborn Smith

Everything washes down. I’m grateful for that. The vomit, the corpses, the piss and shit. It all flows ever forward through the wide and endless fiberglass loops. Washing down and away from me.

It’s an endurance test. I’m covered in Shar-Pei wrinkles, between the oil my body is losing and the loosening skin of my starving frame. I’m drinking chlorinated water that a billion bodies have slid through. I’m hungry as hell. If someone doesn’t throw me a sandwich, I’ll never make it for four more days, never mind four more weeks. They said the slide would alleviate the population problems. I thought they meant by keeping one third of humanity off of the Earth at all times. Now I realize they meant by voluntary extermination.

But Oh My God, this is fun! This is why the space elevator was created!

68

Sunday Dinner just shipped out.

Sugar Water

This video was my first exposure to Cibo Matto many years ago. On the way home from work today I was listening to Viva! La Woman. It's gotten better since I last listened. Anyway, I thought back to the video, which is extremely cool in its own right (It bears a second viewing to catch everything), and I thought I'd share it with both of you. Please enjoy:



(Steve tells me he can't view it. If you can't either, here's the youtube link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jNA6zzoObxg)

I do love me some Miho!

I'm All Twittered Up

Look to the left and slightly down. No, I mean on the screen. You'll see my Twitter updates. I swore I wouldn't do Twitter, that it was a dumb waste of time and I already spend way too much time online when I should be writing.

But I did it.

How long before I break down and type the words "masturbating furiously?"

L'animateur

Has Richard Dawkins or Pat Robertson seen this? Because it explains everything. http://www.koreus.com/video/animateur.html

L'animateur - Vidéo

Sing The Iron Man Song

I saw Iron Man today. It was a good film and faithful to the spirit of the comic. Robert Downey Jr. is fantastic. It's so nice to see a superhero movie where you don't feel like the actors are just reading lines. The movie is going to reach a lot of eyes and I hope it encourages kids to look into engineering later in life.

Many years ago I wrote some Iron Man lyrics to the tune of the old 1960s Spider-Man cartoon (before that shitty Bio-Dome movie tried to do the same). For your enjoyment:

Iron Man, Iron Man
Does whatever an iron can
Plug him in anywhere
Wear your clothes like you really care
Steam on!
Here comes the Iron Man

If it's permanent press
Press your favorite dress
If it's cotton or wool
He's so hot, he's so cool!

Iron Man, Iron Man
Friendly neighborhood Iron Man
Plug him in, press your pants
Man, those wrinkles don't stand a chance
Steam on!
Wherever there's some static
You find your clothes erratic
Turn on the Iron Man!

67

Early this morning I sent out my story Brothers and Sisters All and I just realized that this counts as number 67. Even though it was posted on this blog about a year and a half ago, I sent it to someone who is okay with reprints and so, by the rules I set for myself long ago, this story counts.

Yay.

SFSignal

I was asked to participate in SF Signal's latest Mind Meld in which we discussed the best and worst endings in a science fiction or fantasy book. Check out the results here: http://www.sfsignal.com/archives/006612.html

In unrelated news, there is a stink in my house and I have not yet discovered its source. I'm hoping it's not the old "dead animal in the walls" trick.

I hate that one.

Review on StarShipSofa

Hey, everyone, take a gander at the review I wrote about John Scalzi's The Android's Dream at StarShipSofa: http://www.starshipsofa.com/The-Androids-Dream-by-John-Scalzi

And when you've read that, click on the sofa's homepage, scroll down a little and download and listen to Spider Robinson's fun fun fun story Distraction, a big hit on the forums and with good reason.

Thank You For Not Hitting Me With A Bus

I made it! Loyal readers of The One-Thousand may recall that one year ago I wrote a fearful post on the occasion of my Thirty-Eighth birthday, begging one and all not to hit me with a bus. When I was a teenager my friends and I had a weird running joke that I would die at Thirty-Eight years of age. And the cause of death? Being hit by a bus. I don't believe in the supernatural, but I do believe in the freaky power of the human mind and I was always concerned that my Id might get a kick out of throwing itself and the rest of me in front of a bus just for the thrill of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Well, here's to you Super-Ego, for keeping that bastard Id in check once more. Now that I'm past that hurdle, I'll never have to worry about dying again!

Oh, yeah, and Happy Birthday to me.

Hoodwinked

When Hoodwinked came out in the theaters, I wanted nothing to do with it, though the other family members went to see it and enjoyed it. I generally hate kids movies and the ads just looked like they were playing against stereotypes in the most worn way, particularly in the character of Granny who was into extreme sports. But as we did some early birthday things for me and worked on the wife's homework over at her house today, they popped Hoodwinked on and I had more than a few good laughs. Save for my original issues with the movie, it was really well written, funny and had a clever interweaving storyline. And Patrick Warburton did the voice of the wolf. I don't care that he's done a hundred animated characters and they all sound the same. He's got one of the greatest voices ever. I could listen to him all day. Good music too. If you haven't seen this movie, take a look. You might even let the kids join you.

Jonathan Coulton

I've heard some of Jonathan Coulton's music on the Escape Pod podcast over the past however long and he's finally reached critical mass in my mind so today I had to look into him and pass him on to you. Jonathan Coulton writes some fun and funny and incredibly geeky songs. Finally a mad scientist song in the shape of Skullcrusher Mountain! How long have we needed that? My favorite so far is Chiron Beta Prime, a Christmas song (obviously), with Code Monkey a close second. The First of May is coming up. All of you young lovers should give it a listen. On top of everything else, his music is good. Check out a great selection of his songs here: http://www.jonathancoulton.com/primer/listen.

Another One Under My Widening Belt

I finished and sent out story number 66, Conservation of Energy.

Shower County

SHOWER COUNTY
By Matthew Sanborn Smith

It never rained out here anymore. Crops died, cattle followed. There were no clouds to seed and a rainmaker had run off with a nice chunk of the county’s change, though we kept the one ear that we tore off of him before he escaped. The ear didn’t attract any rain either.

Bob Miller’s son ran an engineering firm in Arizona and those folks had come up with one heck of an idea out there. The county commissioners flew out for a day to see how it worked and they liked it so much they sold it to the rest of us on pure excitement. The project was one year in the making and that was a tough year, but Bob’s boy sold us water on the cheap until we could get on our feet. When it was all done, we had ourselves a showerhead in the sky, thirty miles in diameter.

There was a big faucet-turning ceremony and everybody came out, all the kids, both pastors and the Grindlers even brought one of their cows. It was a good thing we were all there, because a faucet that size needed every available back to turn it. And then we had rain. For the first time in nearly two years we had a downpour to heal our dry, cracked earth. A couple crazies stripped off their clothes. They’d brought bars of soap with them and lathered up right there in front of everyone. Luckily, the sheriff was there too.

A land that dry won’t soak up the water that quick and to be honest, we were so happy to see rain that not a one of us wanted to be the one that said stop. Wasn’t long before we had another problem on our hands. Bob got on the phone.

His son said it was no problem. They’d run into the same thing in Arizona. His contractor rolled back into town a few days later. While we waited, they hauled out as much water as their tankers could carry. In a few months we had a nice big water drain, half as big as the showerhead and placed strategically in the lowlands.

It all seems like a happy story all wrapped up, but there’s things that most people, going about their daily lives, don’t consider. Like who’s going to clean out that drain? Sad to say, that job’s mine. Gives me the shivers every time I go down there. Where those giant hairs come from, I don’t want to know.