Bake

The ex-wife is from Trinidad and she bakes this unleavened bread she grew up eating. Do you know what she calls it? She calls it bake. Sometimes, instead of baking it, she fries it. Do you know what she calls it then? Sorry, folks. If you said fry, you would be wrong. She calls it fry bake. Theoretically, if she were to make dumplings, she might call it boil bake. However, it would not surprise me if she called it boil fry bake.

Christie Yant In Analog!

I'm a little late to the party, but I have to tell you my awesome friend, Christie Yant, has a story in the January/February 2014 issue of Analog called This is as I Wish to be Restored. It's so short that I don't feel I can tell you about it without revealing too much, but there are extremely cold, dead people, and obsession, so that's compelling you, right? I took a while to mention this because I was waiting for a copy to come into my store and it never did. So I bought the e-version, read it, liked it, and am now telling you about it. Go get yourself a copy, paper or e, through the fiction dealer of your choice. Dig on Christie's story and, as a bonus, you'll find great stories by other authors in there too.

All Of This Is Yours

You are Life. As long as you breathe, you are The Anti-Death. You are organized intelligence and the enemy of entropy, no matter what your place looks like.

This is your world. This is your universe. You own what you can see, what you can taste, you own what you think. Those others with money, with power, are no better. You may think they have you. They don't have you. We're all equal in a thousand years. You have you. Take yourself back.

All of this is yours, these people, this air, this palace of ideas. Enjoy. Savor. Savor. Savor.

Take it.

Play.

Fully-Clothed Lunch

Hey! The new episode of Beware the Hairy Mango is out there and waiting for your ears to suck it in! Fully-Clothed Lunch!

E-Fluff

Hey, folks! I just uploaded a new edition of my story Fluff and Buttons on the Teddy Bear Range at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HAR5CTU

This edition features an afterword on the making of the story, including the original flash fiction version and an alternate origin version. I also improved cover design, so it's less embarrassing if a friend spies it on your e-shelf.

From the description:

Ridiculous and poignant, frightening and hopeful, Fluff and Buttons on the Teddy Bear Range tells the story of Jack, a bear with little left to live for, but driven on by hate for the dark race that lives just beyond the villages of his people. Having lain dormant for some time, the creatures have returned to feed. Jack's last hope is to protect the life of Froo Froo, the she-bear who once loved him. But Froo Froo doesn't want protection, least of all from him. Brett Alexander Savory, Co-Publisher of ChiZine Publications says of Fluff and Buttons, "This is one of the best stories I've read, period."

Please buy several copies today!

I Appear!

UPDATE: We're going to attempt to record a live episode of Beware the Hairy Mango at Big Dog. It could go horribly wrong. If you're a fan of the show, you know that would probably improve it.

I'll be at Big Dog Comics in Fort Pierce, Florida tomorrow, Saturday, December 7th, from 2 pm to 4 pm, acting all authorial and shit. It's part of an author/artist day there that runs from 1 to 8. I don't have anything to sign, but if you want to bring something in, I'll sign it, even if it's something like a set of salt and pepper shakers. I might do a little reading or two if the boss is cool with that. If you're reading this, you probably won't be in the area, but call the store and demand that I be given something nice.

The Goal Post

I got on board with the concept of goals long, long ago. The very name of this blog and a great deal of the posts on it concern one of my biggest goals. After a couple of decades of chasing goals and breaking promises and sucking balls, I have finally come to realize that goals are not the right way to motivate myself.

I didn't mention it to most of you, but about three months ago I decided I'd had enough of this writing thing. I was going to keep writing the Mango, but other than that, I was done. I was quitting for a number of reasons, one of which was that I had become a slave to The One-Thousand. The goal, not the blog. I was trying to crank out stories just because I had a time limit, not because I was excited about what I had to say. There was no point in that and, more importantly, there was no joy in that.

About a month after I quit and put it out of my head for a bit, I allowed some evil writing thoughts back in. They are, after all, insidious.

Well, okay, I wouldn't mind doing that particular writing related thing . . . 

Hmm, that would be a good idea for a book . . .

That sort of thing. You know.

Although I keep using the past tense as I speak of quitting, I can't bring myself to publicly say that I'm writing again until I actually finish something. Story 144 doesn't count because that was some rewriting for a thing I planned on finishing before I quit. But I am quite excited about some projects. And that may be a better motivator for me: Go do what you're worked up about. I'll still track the stories here. I'm just not tying myself into Windsor knots worrying about getting them done by a certain time. There was no fucking way I was meeting that goal with my current life situation anyway.

Quantified goals, like everything else, work for a lot of people, but they may not work for you. Don't spend decades wrestling with yourself over it. Drop it and move on.

Yeah, I'll change that jazz up at the top of the page eventually. When I get around to it.

Making 3-D People Look Like 2-D Paintings

The Sofa Is Always Greener On The Other Side

Mainly because that side is facing the wall. Enjoy!

StarShipSofa No 313 Josh Roseman and Michelle Marquardt

Main Fiction 1: “Greener” by Josh Roseman 

Fact: Film Talk by Dennis M Lane

Main Fiction 2: “Always Greener” by Michelle Marquardt 

Narrators: Pete Piazza and Ibba Armanca

The Hills of the Dead

Hey, Folks! I was recently a guest on the SFFaudio Podcast, discussing Robert E. Howard's Solomon Kane story, The Hills of the Dead. You can listen here: http://www.sffaudio.com/?p=49705 There's a reading of the story by Paul Boehmer, followed by our discussion. I first read it years ago, along with the other Solomon Kane stories, and this one stuck with me the most. The Hills of the Dead is the one I tell people about, even years later, mainly because it's got the most innovative disposal of vampires I've ever seen. To think this was written in the 1930s and I haven't seen rip-offs is impressive. If you're a hardcore horror person, maybe it won't feel so unique. At any rate, go listen to the podcast!

Beware The Elitist Mango

If you like Beware the Hairy Mango and wish you had even more, here's your chance. We've got a brand new set of shows we're calling Beware the Elitist Mango! Subscribe through this page ( http://bewarethehairymango.com/elitist/ ) for four bucks a month and you'll get two more episodes for each of the months that isn't May. We're dropping new episodes on the 7th and 22nd of each month, so when you combine them with the regular show which drops on the 15th and 30th, you're getting new mango almost every week. Plus you're supporting a nice guy. Who doesn't want some of that? Holy crap! Let you at it!

144

Sorry, gang. Negligence has become the new normal at this blog. Things have been happening, but I'll try to spread them out and get a few posts out of them. Today I'll tell you that story 144 is out in the world as of about nine days ago. There might not be a 145 for a bit, as I want to do a lot of Mango work first. That's all for now. If you're still reading this, thanks!

If You're Tired

There are a  lot of bad things in the world, some incredibly large. If you're fighting to destroy those bad things, you're doing noble work and we all owe you for your efforts. The odds can seem impossible to overcome. You're fighting against the status quo. You're fighting against large numbers of entrenched people or a handful of powerful people. If you can keep fighting the good fight, you are truly a remarkable person and I wish there were more like you.

But if you're tired, if you've given up, if you've come to the rational conclusion that you can't destroy the negative thing, try the opposite. Build a positive thing. We need more good things as desperately as we need less bad things and clean water can flush out the dirty. You may find your energy again. You may find your life transformed. You may be amazed at the response you get from others who had also been tired.

You may leave the world a better place.

A Remarkably Ugly Car

I went to the Elliott Museum (Stuart, FL) with some friends today to see an exhibit of full-sized working models of some of Leonardo da Vinci's designs. It's only there until September 2nd. Here's a photo of a little of that:

The Elliott also has a collection of ninety antique cars. My friend, Zack, was interested in an electric car from 1975 called the Citicar. Here's a vid I took of it: