Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The Adventures Of Smart Guy

by Matthew Sanborn Smith

"Are you Superman?" Davey yelled. He spotted the 'S' on the guy's chest from fifty feet down the sidewalk. The guy was taking his sweet time about getting to the tree, that was for sure. Davey supposed that was what happened when mother finds you a superhero in the yellow pages.

"No kid, I'm Smart Guy, a vast improvement over neanderthals like Superman." He shook Davey's hand firmly, without crushing.

"Well, can you fly up there and get my cat out of the tree? Please?"

"I don't fly."

"Could you climb up there then?"

"I could, yes. But honestly, my shift just started. I don't want to get all sweaty and stain my uniform."

"Well, what do you do?" Sunset approached and Davey, no fan of comics, just wanted to get this over with.

"I bring common sense to the common man. So many of the world's problems aren't really problems except that people make them so. Do you see what I mean?"


"Take that, for instance," he said, pointing to the top of the tree. "Why don't you leave the cat in the tree?"


"I mean, look at him, sitting up there, he's not even looking at you. If he really cared about you would he be hurting your feelings like this?"

Davey studied the cat for a moment before saying, "No?"

"No. He doesn't give a damn about your feelings. Listen to me, son. Fuck him. Let the little bastard rot up there. Go get a dog instead. There's plenty at the pound whose lives you can save, and they'll appreciate it for the next twelve years or so, unless they get hit by a car or something, but at least they'll go down having a good time."

Davey's brow wrinkled. He looked to the cat, then to the supremely confident man in the cape, then back to the cat which looked quite relaxed and began grooming itself.

"Gee, you're right!" Davey's face brightened. "Thanks, Smart Guy."

"No sweat."

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