Thursday, September 14, 2006

Jim Comes Out


JIM COMES OUT
by Matthew Sanborn Smith

There came a time when Jim's pants felt too tight even for him. He'd loved his pants; they were made of some sort of NASA material and they were the last thing his astronaut father had given him before the accident took him away. They were the only pair he'd ever worn, since he was four years old. But now, twenty-seven years later, crippled and bed-ridden, he was beginning to rethink some of his choices.

He took tiny steps; after a month of discussion with his mother he finally decided to unbutton. It took some pricey hypno-therapy to unzip but half a year later that's exactly what he did. His doctors were astounded with this rapid progress after decades of inertia and updated their papers accordingly. The breakthrough would come any year now!

The next advance came not from up but from down when he turned his pants into cutoffs. The whole process took about eight months, not due to his reluctance but rather his choice of tools. He'd sliced through two legs of space-age corduroy with nothing more than the pointy end of a vinyl coated paperclip.

Eventually, the whole thing came off in shreds. Along with some flesh. He'd expected that part, he'd read about the same thing happening to Michelangelo when he was working on the Sistine Chapel and Jim felt partly as great as the Master for having this in common.

He was quite useless from the waist down and the realization was heartbreaking. All of these years he just figured it was the pants. He was sure that he'd spring from his bed fully formed once the pants came off. Those damned doctors were all, "We told you so!" but to hell with them. He'd show them all.

Jim threw himself into his own therapeutic regimen. He drank from the wealth of positive thinking books that the bookmobile offered.

"Did you see?" he shouted at the nurse one Saturday morning. "Something moved! I'm practically walking!"

"That's because I turned on the fan, Mr. Hallis."

"Up yours! Get out!" he said, and he threw his shoe at her. But it was such a tiny shoe it didn't really hurt.

He'd show her too. He spent the rest of the day concentrating on wiggling his -- well, whatever the hell that thing was down there. This would make one hell of a Lifetime movie someday.

6 comments:

Alex said...

A good weight loss program will be one that will offer you adequate support along with guidance. Top Organic Keto This support can come in the form of support groups or weekly meetings with physicians who will be able to motivate you and guide you further.

Alex said...

These Slim X Genie Keto conditions also improve with weight loss. With significant weight loss, essentially normal pulmonary function can be achieved and cardiac function can be normalized.

Alex said...

Eat when you're hungry; stop when you're full. SF180 Keto Listen to your stomach, NOT your taste buds. Eat slowly, savor the flavor, and pay attention to when you start feeling full.

Alex said...

You can see, term weight loss includes all these factors. Super Cut Keto To lose weight effectively, all these factors should be combined and acted upon. But before you take action you must know what does weight loss mean to you.

Alex said...

The reduce won't be on the spot you want! sf180 keto reviews Forget about it if you think that doing crunches will help you cut off those flabby belly fat and running will reduce the inner thigh fat. It is your genetics that control which part of your body fat will go first. This is why you should exercise your body as a whole rather than over-exercising one part of it.

Alex said...

However we do not need to avoid it in the first place as it is very enjoyable after the initial few weeks of mental resistance that people inflict onto themselves. Why do you think most "fitness freaks" are so happy about their fitness. Primo Boost Keto Not because they're freaks, simply because they realise the truth. They have gone through the pain period that everyone experiences and realised that the pain is nothing but an illusion.