By Matthew Sanborn Smith
The iGasm had been out for just two months and already it was the best-selling little belt clippy gizmo of all time. I mean, who wouldn’t want one? Its operation was simplicity itself. It only had one button. You’d press that and then have to go home and change your drawers. You didn’t have to cheat on your spouse and you didn’t have to take things into your own hands. Even the people who denounced it on television got their own iGasm through clandestine sources. For research purposes of course. Well, they did an awful lot of research in proportion to the paucity of their findings.
There were imitators, of course. First came the andGasm which allowed the user to sync up with up to three friends for simultaneous enjoyment. This was soon followed by the ifGasm which only worked some of the time and didn’t do very well at all. What knucklehead thought that one up? After that came the orGasm. No, wait, they already had that, I think. Was that the original? I can’t remember but it seems like it had always been around. I hear they’re rolling out the butGasm soon. They haven’t released the specs and no one is sure what it does but everyone agrees that it will certainly merit a great deal of research.