STRETCHING FOR VICTORY
by Matthew Sanborn Smith
Gunther had heard you should always stretch before a race and since he had come in last place in every race he’d run for the last three years, he figured it couldn’t hurt. From the C.I.A. gift shop he bought one of those stretchy racks that you see in movies about medieval times and after a couple of sessions, he was ready to compete. In the 500 meter the following Saturday, he felt better than he ever had before. His muscles were well-tuned machines, free of cramps, and he won the race handily. It hadn’t hurt that his legs were two feet longer than they’d ever been.
If a little stretching was good, then a lot of stretching was great, right? He stretched his legs to fifty meters long for the 100 meter dash and won the race in a couple of strides, breaking all records in the doing.
Poor Gunther was killed a month later by a passenger jet while he was training for a marathon.