Prancing Through The Bookstore

Welcome, new follower Bradzooks! Awesome name, bro.


The other day at work:

Regular Customer: Has anyone ever told you that when you walk, you prance?

Me: No. I've been told that I've frolicked and gamboled, but never pranced.

Phone Conversation At Work Today

ME: Thank you for calling Barnes and Noble. This is Matthew. How can I help you?

GIRL (I'm guessing ten years old): Matthew? Are you single?

ME: Yes, I am. Are you asking me out?

GIRL: How old are you?

ME: I'm going to be forty-one tomorrow.

GIRL: Happy birthday.

ME: Thank you.

GIRL: Um . . . Do you wanna go to, like . . . Outback tomorrow?

ME: I'd love to, but unfortunately I have to work.

GIRL: You have to work on your birthday?

ME: Unfortunately, yes.

GIRL: When are you available?

ME: I don't actually know. (Laughing)

GIRL: Yeah, um . . . That laugh? It's not so good.

ME: Well, we all have our faults.

GIRL: Okay, well, I'll call you.

ME: Okay. Bye.

Bumpy Roads, Take Me Home

We thought dad might be coming home from the hospital today, but his heartbeat was irregular. He seems to have a cold. That may be because he's weak. He hasn't slept or eaten much for days. Years ago he told me of days of prolonged terror and adrenaline during the war (he was an infantryman in the Pacific in World War II) and I asked him how he was ever able to sleep under those conditions. He said eventually you collapse from exhaustion. So, I'm hoping that he'll get a good sleep tonight because his body isn't capable of staying awake anymore. I think some sleep will do wonders for him.

Thanks to all of you out there who are sending your good thoughts and vibes in our direction. He's a tough old bird who's been at death's door dozens of times and has always pulled out of it. He has an amazing will to live.

My life's been feeling extra lumpy these past few days. Part of that, I think is from working through the weekend. Friday and Saturday are usually extra busy errand days for me and when I pile the job on top of that, I get a bit worn. Mondays and Tuesdays are often rough because I have to get up early and I usually get less than eight hours sleep over that forty-eight hour period. Put it all together and I'm not at my best by Tuesday night.

But Wednesdays and Thursdays?

I'm like a god among men.

Gettin' Cocked At The Bookstore!

I had to bounce a drunk yesterday. Not something that happens everyday at a bookstore. This guy spilled a bottle all over the floor in our cafe and it was red wine. One of our cafe ladies cleaned it up. One of my boss ladies points the guy out to me, day-glo green shirt and big sunglasses. She's a softie, so I guess that's why she didn't throw him out. Later another employee tells me someone left a trail of puke on the way to the bathroom. Gee, I wonder who that could be? I mop up purple, wine-smelling vomit from the tiles and the carpet and this woman comes up to me complaining that this drunk guy pulled up a chair in the cafe and started hanging with her son (the kid looked to be about fifteen). I explained that I was cleaning up his vomit right in front of her and if the guy was still in the store I was going to toss him. I go into the bathroom and the guy has his sunglasses off. He looks totally fried.

I said, "Hey, man, you gotta hit the road. Customers are complaining about you and we're having to clean up after you. It's time to head out the door."

He said, "Am I that bad?"

I said, "Yeah."

I followed him to the exit and he said, "Sorry." Then I went back to the men's room to clean more purple vomit off of the floor and urinal.

Who's up for a glamorous career in retail?

For The Love of Keely

Check out my cyberpunk story, For the Love of Ceelie at Fusion Fragment:
http://www.apodispublishing.com/fusion/pages/09_ceelie.htm

Are they shortening days now? Seems so. I did inventory at another store last night. After a long drive home and picking up the dog from the former wife's house and basically screwing around online, I got to sleep around 5:30 this morning. That'll foul up your day. My day off doesn't seem off enough. Or enough off.

A six part Alan Moore interview at Newsarama. Sorry I had to post it like this, but they don't seem to have links to all six parts until you reach part six:

http://www.newsarama.com/comics/040924-Moore1910.html
http://www.newsarama.com/comics/040927-Moore2.html
http://www.newsarama.com/comics/040928-Moore3.html
http://www.newsarama.com/comics/040929-Moore4.html
http://www.newsarama.com/comics/040930-Moore5.html
http://www.newsarama.com/comics/050901-Moore6.html

What a shame the solo's cut on this next one. I love you Keely. Louis fuckin' swings!