E-Fluff

Hey, folks! I just uploaded a new edition of my story Fluff and Buttons on the Teddy Bear Range at Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HAR5CTU

This edition features an afterword on the making of the story, including the original flash fiction version and an alternate origin version. I also improved cover design, so it's less embarrassing if a friend spies it on your e-shelf.

From the description:

Ridiculous and poignant, frightening and hopeful, Fluff and Buttons on the Teddy Bear Range tells the story of Jack, a bear with little left to live for, but driven on by hate for the dark race that lives just beyond the villages of his people. Having lain dormant for some time, the creatures have returned to feed. Jack's last hope is to protect the life of Froo Froo, the she-bear who once loved him. But Froo Froo doesn't want protection, least of all from him. Brett Alexander Savory, Co-Publisher of ChiZine Publications says of Fluff and Buttons, "This is one of the best stories I've read, period."

Please buy several copies today!

I Appear!

UPDATE: We're going to attempt to record a live episode of Beware the Hairy Mango at Big Dog. It could go horribly wrong. If you're a fan of the show, you know that would probably improve it.

I'll be at Big Dog Comics in Fort Pierce, Florida tomorrow, Saturday, December 7th, from 2 pm to 4 pm, acting all authorial and shit. It's part of an author/artist day there that runs from 1 to 8. I don't have anything to sign, but if you want to bring something in, I'll sign it, even if it's something like a set of salt and pepper shakers. I might do a little reading or two if the boss is cool with that. If you're reading this, you probably won't be in the area, but call the store and demand that I be given something nice.

The Goal Post

I got on board with the concept of goals long, long ago. The very name of this blog and a great deal of the posts on it concern one of my biggest goals. After a couple of decades of chasing goals and breaking promises and sucking balls, I have finally come to realize that goals are not the right way to motivate myself.

I didn't mention it to most of you, but about three months ago I decided I'd had enough of this writing thing. I was going to keep writing the Mango, but other than that, I was done. I was quitting for a number of reasons, one of which was that I had become a slave to The One-Thousand. The goal, not the blog. I was trying to crank out stories just because I had a time limit, not because I was excited about what I had to say. There was no point in that and, more importantly, there was no joy in that.

About a month after I quit and put it out of my head for a bit, I allowed some evil writing thoughts back in. They are, after all, insidious.

Well, okay, I wouldn't mind doing that particular writing related thing . . . 

Hmm, that would be a good idea for a book . . .

That sort of thing. You know.

Although I keep using the past tense as I speak of quitting, I can't bring myself to publicly say that I'm writing again until I actually finish something. Story 144 doesn't count because that was some rewriting for a thing I planned on finishing before I quit. But I am quite excited about some projects. And that may be a better motivator for me: Go do what you're worked up about. I'll still track the stories here. I'm just not tying myself into Windsor knots worrying about getting them done by a certain time. There was no fucking way I was meeting that goal with my current life situation anyway.

Quantified goals, like everything else, work for a lot of people, but they may not work for you. Don't spend decades wrestling with yourself over it. Drop it and move on.

Yeah, I'll change that jazz up at the top of the page eventually. When I get around to it.

Making 3-D People Look Like 2-D Paintings

The Sofa Is Always Greener On The Other Side

Mainly because that side is facing the wall. Enjoy!

StarShipSofa No 313 Josh Roseman and Michelle Marquardt

Main Fiction 1: “Greener” by Josh Roseman 

Fact: Film Talk by Dennis M Lane

Main Fiction 2: “Always Greener” by Michelle Marquardt 

Narrators: Pete Piazza and Ibba Armanca

The Hills of the Dead

Hey, Folks! I was recently a guest on the SFFaudio Podcast, discussing Robert E. Howard's Solomon Kane story, The Hills of the Dead. You can listen here: http://www.sffaudio.com/?p=49705 There's a reading of the story by Paul Boehmer, followed by our discussion. I first read it years ago, along with the other Solomon Kane stories, and this one stuck with me the most. The Hills of the Dead is the one I tell people about, even years later, mainly because it's got the most innovative disposal of vampires I've ever seen. To think this was written in the 1930s and I haven't seen rip-offs is impressive. If you're a hardcore horror person, maybe it won't feel so unique. At any rate, go listen to the podcast!

Beware The Elitist Mango

If you like Beware the Hairy Mango and wish you had even more, here's your chance. We've got a brand new set of shows we're calling Beware the Elitist Mango! Subscribe through this page ( http://bewarethehairymango.com/elitist/ ) for four bucks a month and you'll get two more episodes for each of the months that isn't May. We're dropping new episodes on the 7th and 22nd of each month, so when you combine them with the regular show which drops on the 15th and 30th, you're getting new mango almost every week. Plus you're supporting a nice guy. Who doesn't want some of that? Holy crap! Let you at it!

144

Sorry, gang. Negligence has become the new normal at this blog. Things have been happening, but I'll try to spread them out and get a few posts out of them. Today I'll tell you that story 144 is out in the world as of about nine days ago. There might not be a 145 for a bit, as I want to do a lot of Mango work first. That's all for now. If you're still reading this, thanks!

If You're Tired

There are a  lot of bad things in the world, some incredibly large. If you're fighting to destroy those bad things, you're doing noble work and we all owe you for your efforts. The odds can seem impossible to overcome. You're fighting against the status quo. You're fighting against large numbers of entrenched people or a handful of powerful people. If you can keep fighting the good fight, you are truly a remarkable person and I wish there were more like you.

But if you're tired, if you've given up, if you've come to the rational conclusion that you can't destroy the negative thing, try the opposite. Build a positive thing. We need more good things as desperately as we need less bad things and clean water can flush out the dirty. You may find your energy again. You may find your life transformed. You may be amazed at the response you get from others who had also been tired.

You may leave the world a better place.

A Remarkably Ugly Car

I went to the Elliott Museum (Stuart, FL) with some friends today to see an exhibit of full-sized working models of some of Leonardo da Vinci's designs. It's only there until September 2nd. Here's a photo of a little of that:

The Elliott also has a collection of ninety antique cars. My friend, Zack, was interested in an electric car from 1975 called the Citicar. Here's a vid I took of it:

141, 142, 143

Jesus, it's been a month since my last post! Sorry, folks. I've got three more additions to The One-Thousand to tell you about.

I started a writing band with Grant Stone and Dan Rabarts called Cerberus. We collaborate and hopefully bring out some things in each other that we wouldn't otherwise discover. Our first effort is called Dada. It's 141 of The One-Thousand and will eventually appear in Andromeda Spaceways Inflight Magazine. I'll let you know when it's out. You may question whether a collaborative effort should count toward The One-Thousand. My rules at the beginning of this endeavor were pretty loose: To get in, it has to be a story that I submitted to an editor. That's pretty much it. This covers everything from Twitter fiction to my novel.

142 is Simon Says, a story for an anthology which Dan invited me to (he also invited Grant and many other people) called Baby Teeth, inspired by a post on Reddit about creepy things that kids say. There's a fundraising effort in place to publish the e-book, a print run, and an audiobook. Check that out here. All proceeds from the sale of these books go to Duffy Books in Homes, a literacy organization which gets books to kids, both creepy and non.

143 must remain incognito at the moment, as it's still making the rounds. I'll let you know more when I can.

This Is Your Dog On Grass

This is the ex' pug, Pepper, enjoying her lawn.

Holy Shit, Folks. Ernie Kovacs.

Why the hell has it taken me this long to sit down and watch Ernie Kovacs? Okay, I had no access to him for most of my life, that's true. And then I forgot about him. About a week or so ago I was listening to an old episode of WTF and Merrill Markoe was singing his praises. Tonight I checked youtube as I ate supper and I was blown away. Yes, this is some low-budget shit, no doubt. Yes, a lot of these jokes are stale. But others are hilarious and even when the show's not trying to be funny, it's wildly inventive. I've never seen so much weird stuff packed into a half hour of network television. It was so nice of Ernie Kovacs to make something for me over fifty years before I was going to watch it. If you dig Beware the Hairy Mango, you might dig this. Here's a sample for your perusal, but there's much more on youtube.

Buggy Whips

I don't talk to my siblings much. If you told me I had an hour of conversation with either of my brothers in the last year, I'd be surprised, And, unlike my sisters, they live in my county. They're great guys, but we're just from different planets.

I got a voicemail from my oldest brother a couple of weeks ago, telling me that vampires and zombies are hot right now, and I should think about writing something about them. I left him a message thanking him, but explaining that wasn't my thing. He left another message today while I was at work and I called him on my lunch break. He wanted to make sure everything was going okay and then told me I should really think about the vampire/zombie thing. I told him that if I was in this to make money, I would have gotten into banking. He said that I could be making the best buggy whips in the world, but nobody's buying buggy whips.

Since I'm not going to change his mind and I'll never make him understand, I took the best course I know: I agreed with him and thanked him. After all, he wants the best for me and he is right. Nobody's buying buggy whips.

However, in case you're an artist who does it first for the love and you're now thinking to yourself, "Say, he is right. Why the hell am I making buggy whips?" Here's why.

What if making buggy whips made you happier than anything else that you could do? What if you won the lottery, never had to work another day in your life, and decided to make buggy whips anyway? What if one of the other great things in your life was to show off the buggy whips you made to people who really appreciate buggy whips and hear them say, "Man, that's a fine-ass buggy whip?"

I'm not saying I don't want money. I want lots of money, but I'm not going to chuck my art and produce product that doesn't mean anything to me in order to get it. That's what my day job is for. If you like making ignition keys, then by all means, make the shit out of some ignition keys. I'm cool over here. Seriously. I'm loving what I'm doing.

And for the love of whatever you deem holy, people, stop whipping those poor buggies.