Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Friday, August 31, 2018
Saturday, July 16, 2016
Washington
One of my favorite videos lately. I should really post this over at Beware the Hairy Mango. That crowd would love it.
Thursday, March 03, 2016
New Audio: Cyborg Giraffe Cleans House!
If you've never wanted to read my story, Giraffe Cyborg Cleans House! I have great news for you. You can now listen to the audio at the Drabblecast under the twisted title Cyborg Giraffe Cleans House, which I think changes the whole story, but I'll let you decide. Click here and give it a listen: http://www.drabblecast.org/2016/03/02/drabblecast-378-cyborg-giraffe-cleans-house/
The audio was produced by Adam Pracht. If you're a fan of StarShipSofa, you'll love Adam's Drabblecast stories, because he often imports Sofa talent to make them. However, Adam took this story on before he knew I was the author. The story is narrated by Sofasister Amy H. Sturgis and the art is by Sofa artist Skeet Scienski. Fun will be had! Go listen!
Sunday, February 15, 2015
Help Me Write A Novel!
Hey, gang! I'm stoked to have a chance at writing the type of thing I love this spring: a funny, crazy science fiction novel. It's called Hive Five and it's about a hive mind that's not very good at being a hive mind. Here's the opening:
Everyone was covered in either blood, kisses, or barbecue sauce.
Sammy's Recipe for Barbecued Chaos:
1. Decide you want a nice little party at your house.
2. Forget for a moment that you're part of a hive mind with fifty-six other people. Not a very good hive mind, admittedly, but good enough that those fifty-six other people simultaneously decide they want a nice little party . . . at your house. You do have the biggest yard in the treeborhood, of course, nearly an entire limb to yourself ever since you convinced the Umumwei family there was such a thing as a cybernetic squirrelfestation thanks to the loan of your friend Barry's Travelling Squirrel Zoo, some manufactured doodads from your garage forge, and a hot glue gun. The Umumweis folded up their house and moved it two levels down that same afternoon.
3. Allow your now enormous party to be crashed by the rest of the treeborhood who, for some reason known only to God's Clone, have become more affectionate than spawning salmon at a grizzly bear swingers party.
4. Remind yourself you have to get better at creating metaphors, but in your defense there is a half-love, half-fistfight free-for-all going on in your yard at the moment.
Tell me that doesn't look like fun! Here's where you can help. I need to raise the money so I can crank this out in three months and get the finished novel into your hands this summer. Besides the book, you can also get cool rewards, like a personalized episode of Beware the Hairy Mango, a ringtone of my voice, having a character named after you, and more!
Check out my page here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/189894541/hive-five
And my video right here:
Everyone was covered in either blood, kisses, or barbecue sauce.
Sammy's Recipe for Barbecued Chaos:
1. Decide you want a nice little party at your house.
2. Forget for a moment that you're part of a hive mind with fifty-six other people. Not a very good hive mind, admittedly, but good enough that those fifty-six other people simultaneously decide they want a nice little party . . . at your house. You do have the biggest yard in the treeborhood, of course, nearly an entire limb to yourself ever since you convinced the Umumwei family there was such a thing as a cybernetic squirrelfestation thanks to the loan of your friend Barry's Travelling Squirrel Zoo, some manufactured doodads from your garage forge, and a hot glue gun. The Umumweis folded up their house and moved it two levels down that same afternoon.
3. Allow your now enormous party to be crashed by the rest of the treeborhood who, for some reason known only to God's Clone, have become more affectionate than spawning salmon at a grizzly bear swingers party.
4. Remind yourself you have to get better at creating metaphors, but in your defense there is a half-love, half-fistfight free-for-all going on in your yard at the moment.
Tell me that doesn't look like fun! Here's where you can help. I need to raise the money so I can crank this out in three months and get the finished novel into your hands this summer. Besides the book, you can also get cool rewards, like a personalized episode of Beware the Hairy Mango, a ringtone of my voice, having a character named after you, and more!
Check out my page here: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/189894541/hive-five
And my video right here:
Sunday, July 06, 2014
Oglaf
If you like wonderfully surreal, pornographic, medieval-fantasy-trope-filled webcomics, why aren't you reading Oglaf already? As a sample, I offer this, something that fans of Beware the Hairy Mango might assume I'd like: http://oglaf.com/fully-fleshed/ Be sure to always roll over any given strip for an extra gag.
Lots of the strips are one-shots, but there are some multi-strip stories. You don't always realize that when you're reading them and therefore sometimes wonder what the hell a certain ending was supposed to mean. But you'll get over it. There are lots of returning characters and over time you get the larger picture of the awesome, impossible world in which Oglaf is set. There was one long storyline about the Funsnake with a rather mind-blowing climax. My advice is to go to the archives and start from the beginning of the strip.
It's very adult, very porny, and not everyone's cup of tea, but if my words haven't put you off, give it a look. If you like it, you'll have hours of comics to enjoy. This one is one of my favorites. It seems to be a more poorly drawn, more insane than usual filler, but the insane part is why I love it: http://oglaf.com/trueslut2012/1/
Have fun!
Lots of the strips are one-shots, but there are some multi-strip stories. You don't always realize that when you're reading them and therefore sometimes wonder what the hell a certain ending was supposed to mean. But you'll get over it. There are lots of returning characters and over time you get the larger picture of the awesome, impossible world in which Oglaf is set. There was one long storyline about the Funsnake with a rather mind-blowing climax. My advice is to go to the archives and start from the beginning of the strip.
It's very adult, very porny, and not everyone's cup of tea, but if my words haven't put you off, give it a look. If you like it, you'll have hours of comics to enjoy. This one is one of my favorites. It seems to be a more poorly drawn, more insane than usual filler, but the insane part is why I love it: http://oglaf.com/trueslut2012/1/
Have fun!
Tuesday, May 06, 2014
We're Big Pants People
Just saw this ancient act from Kevin Meaney and it still makes me laugh until I tear up. Some people hate his stuff, but I love his energy and audacity.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Feel Inside (And Stuff Like That)
Stumbled upon this video today and it made me eye-wateringly happy. Not only is it Flight of the Conchords material I haven't seen, but it's a fantastic song performed brilliantly with a story behind it. Donate to the charity that inspired it all, Cure Kids. Enjoy!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Wednesday, January 09, 2013
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Kicking The Horse Again
I posted a link to the audio for this story a couple of years back but since The Moth just released the video, I wanted to tell you about it again. Jerry Stahl is funny as hell. I think this was the first Moth story I heard and it made me a permanent fan.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
CNR
I'm all sleepy, what with no caffeine and getting up early for days. I'm getting no writing done. I'm just throwing a video that I dig on here for tonight. Enjoy.
http://youtu.be/xLnapb-30hA
http://youtu.be/xLnapb-30hA
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Friday, July 03, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Can't Think Of A Title! What Kind Of Writer Am I?
Welcome follower #10, pointman74250! Normally I'll say a few words about the new follower, but I have no idea who this guy is! I'm practically a celebrity, having followers I don't know. If I do know you, pointman 74250, wait a couple of days before you tell me. I want to bask in this feeling.
New Thaumatrope story the other day. You can read it here: http://thaumatrope.greententacles.com/tweets/20090612/
The writing break is over, only it doesn't seem like it is because I haven't had any time to write. It's over in my head.
And, just because I haven't posted a vid in a while:
This is supposed to be funny, but you know you could tune into SyFy on any given Saturday night and find a gem of exactly this quality.
And-And, because I imported this blog onto my Facebook page (under my double secret codename Matthew Sanborn Smith) and last time I tried it the blog at Facebook didn't show the vids I'd posted, here's the link for today's vid(eo):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXoYK4b_q24
New Thaumatrope story the other day. You can read it here: http://thaumatrope.greententacles.com/tweets/20090612/
The writing break is over, only it doesn't seem like it is because I haven't had any time to write. It's over in my head.
And, just because I haven't posted a vid in a while:
This is supposed to be funny, but you know you could tune into SyFy on any given Saturday night and find a gem of exactly this quality.
And-And, because I imported this blog onto my Facebook page (under my double secret codename Matthew Sanborn Smith) and last time I tried it the blog at Facebook didn't show the vids I'd posted, here's the link for today's vid(eo):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXoYK4b_q24
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
102-104
102 - Dear New Dad
103 - Mr. Bubbles
104 - Where I Hang my Hat
I don't watch Kimmel (or anything else anymore), but I see this feature on-line all the time and I love it. This Week in Unnecessary Censorship:
103 - Mr. Bubbles
104 - Where I Hang my Hat
I don't watch Kimmel (or anything else anymore), but I see this feature on-line all the time and I love it. This Week in Unnecessary Censorship:
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Eggs, Obama, 96
When I take eggs out of the carton, I want the carton to balance at it's center if it ever had to. So if I take the first egg out of one corner, the next egg comes from the opposite corner. I strive to cook eggs in even numbers. This evening I discovered that the boy had removed one (1) egg from the carton. My world has descended into chaos.
Just saw a few minutes of Obama's press conference. Someone asked him why it took him so long to express his outrage over the AIG bonuses (boni?). He answered that he likes to know what he's talking about before he speaks. Good answer. Along those lines:
Story 96 saw light the other day. I call it, The Hottie.
Just saw a few minutes of Obama's press conference. Someone asked him why it took him so long to express his outrage over the AIG bonuses (boni?). He answered that he likes to know what he's talking about before he speaks. Good answer. Along those lines:
Story 96 saw light the other day. I call it, The Hottie.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
You Tweeted Me, You Tweeted Me
Hey! I just sold The Creepy Little Mailbox Man to Everyday Weirdness! Yay! It should be up on March 22nd for your eyeing pleasure.
If you're wondering about the title of this post, first off, you have to sing it to the tune of Anne Murray's You Needed Me. Secondly, it's there because people were tweeting lots of things I wanted to share.
@paolobacigalupi linked to this excellent article: The Gospel of Consumption.
For the past couple of months I've been asking people and just plain wondering, in light of what we see in the economy, is it impossible to run a healthy economy in which people can also save their money? I had my suspicions about how it could work and this article confirms them. Our economy today is based on businesses which want to make as much money as possible and consumers who feel the need to buy way more than they need. Dump as much money as you want into the system and it will all flow to the top given our current behaviors. Of course, when we dump all the money into the top in the first place, the people don't even get their products, they're by-passed completely. So, please, if you want to save, do so. Empowering the current economic model to screw you isn't your responsibility.
@expatpaul tweeted a link to this, and when you think about it, it fits in the last item. The media convinces us that what the government and corporations want is good for us:
Nobody tweeted this, but I think I might:
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same. - Stendhal
@jfmarchini tied it all together in a brilliant summation by Bill Watterson (It's a Calvin and Hobbes comic so click on it already): https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiV-UaiqGZYeP1MA-4BtAqxBMCGeo4GBBG5WGX76bGITYyfL7rBQpNZjI7Kp_vfyeU_Vj0UQiFnaKLPEZ89MoyP66a-Z2WRgaVbiVGq7BjR9UuzRqoCyVtJPTe3GLOumrePS4d/s1600-h/CalvinHobbs.BM
And on a fun, non-economic note:
@steveattwitter turned me on to this yesterday. Found it on youtube through HuffPo so I could embed it today and it seems to be popping up all over the web. Steve is a trend setter:
Lastly, I worked an early shift today and my co-manager turned on the 8os Muzak before we opened the store. I heard this song which I hadn't heard in over twenty-five years and had forgotten it even existed. It's a wonderful little thing to rediscover something like that:
I've got sheep, I've got Split Enz. Grant's going to think this is all about him. I just realized I mentioned Calvin and Hobbes and Stendhal in the same post. I'm the living embodiment of Generation X.
If you're wondering about the title of this post, first off, you have to sing it to the tune of Anne Murray's You Needed Me. Secondly, it's there because people were tweeting lots of things I wanted to share.
@paolobacigalupi linked to this excellent article: The Gospel of Consumption.
For the past couple of months I've been asking people and just plain wondering, in light of what we see in the economy, is it impossible to run a healthy economy in which people can also save their money? I had my suspicions about how it could work and this article confirms them. Our economy today is based on businesses which want to make as much money as possible and consumers who feel the need to buy way more than they need. Dump as much money as you want into the system and it will all flow to the top given our current behaviors. Of course, when we dump all the money into the top in the first place, the people don't even get their products, they're by-passed completely. So, please, if you want to save, do so. Empowering the current economic model to screw you isn't your responsibility.
@expatpaul tweeted a link to this, and when you think about it, it fits in the last item. The media convinces us that what the government and corporations want is good for us:
Nobody tweeted this, but I think I might:
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same. - Stendhal
@jfmarchini tied it all together in a brilliant summation by Bill Watterson (It's a Calvin and Hobbes comic so click on it already): https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiV-UaiqGZYeP1MA-4BtAqxBMCGeo4GBBG5WGX76bGITYyfL7rBQpNZjI7Kp_vfyeU_Vj0UQiFnaKLPEZ89MoyP66a-Z2WRgaVbiVGq7BjR9UuzRqoCyVtJPTe3GLOumrePS4d/s1600-h/CalvinHobbs.BM
And on a fun, non-economic note:
@steveattwitter turned me on to this yesterday. Found it on youtube through HuffPo so I could embed it today and it seems to be popping up all over the web. Steve is a trend setter:
Lastly, I worked an early shift today and my co-manager turned on the 8os Muzak before we opened the store. I heard this song which I hadn't heard in over twenty-five years and had forgotten it even existed. It's a wonderful little thing to rediscover something like that:
I've got sheep, I've got Split Enz. Grant's going to think this is all about him. I just realized I mentioned Calvin and Hobbes and Stendhal in the same post. I'm the living embodiment of Generation X.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
New Flight Of The Conchords
This is what I had to say: Here's episode 1 of Season 2 of Flight of the Conchords from Funny or Die. I was on the fence about whether or not to post this, because it can only be seen in the U.S. apparently and it might only be viewable for a few days. Sorry to everyone who can't see it, but it may reach a few people who didn't know it was out there and who can enjoy it, so here it is. The season starts on January 18th.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Classin' This Dump Up
I had the weekend from Heck. It gave weekends a bad name.
Welcome, Grant! Those followers are really rolling in now. To show Grant what a classy joint we run here at The One-Thousand, I present the following:
UPDATE: Damn it! NBC must have come down on youtube. Most versions are gone and embedding on this one is disabled. For some reason, I can still link to it. Well, we'll see how long the link lasts:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4
Welcome, Grant! Those followers are really rolling in now. To show Grant what a classy joint we run here at The One-Thousand, I present the following:
UPDATE: Damn it! NBC must have come down on youtube. Most versions are gone and embedding on this one is disabled. For some reason, I can still link to it. Well, we'll see how long the link lasts:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pXfHLUlZf4
Thursday, November 20, 2008
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