In Praise Of Damage

Today is my fifty-seventh birthday. I don't fear aging like I once did. For years now, I've noticed that as I go through life I'm gaining knowledge, skills, wisdom, maturity, and who knows what else? I've also get scars, some physical and some psychological. That's to be expected.

I helped a guy print some things at the library where I work a couple of months back. He was old and struggled a little to get around. He mentioned to me that he was a first responder for 9/11. I asked him if he had health problems from that. He tapped his chest with his fingers and said, "Oh, yeah." I said, "That sucks." He said something I wish I could quote but I can't remember it. What was more important than the exact phrase was the meaning it conveyed which was essentially, the damage is part of who I am. Life shapes us while we shape it.

I take this not as celebrating victimization. It could feel that way in that he brought up his role during 9/11 without being asked. I feel like I would have a hard time keeping that to myself too. We each have some aspect of our lives that makes us feel like we were cheated out of something that most other people seem to have gotten: food, love, peace, normalcy, whatever. That absolutely sucks, but each of us has our own story and most of us go through something horrible if we only live long enough. 

I take this as our story. The physical body and the non-physical mind become records of everything we've ever experienced and thought. If we start out as a blank journal, we end up covered in scribbles and words and doodles, with torn pages, mutilated covers, water damage, piss stains, and a plethora of other harsh treatments. This is what happens to journals and other physical objects over time, including us. It's completely understandable to be bitter, but maybe there will come a time where you integrate your damage as so much a part of yourself (along with all the love, thrills, and card games you've gotten to enjoy) that you simply see it as you.

As I digested what this guy told me, I was reminded of a couple of lines from Jean Cocteau's Orpheus which reached into my core the first time I saw the film. Near the end, Orpheus is about to be torn apart by an angry mob and says (in the English translation I saw):

"What does marble think when it's being sculpted? It thinks, 'I am struck, insulted, ruined, lost.' Life is sculpting me, let it finish its work."

Thank You For Not Hitting Me With A Bus

I made it! Loyal readers of The One-Thousand may recall that one year ago I wrote a fearful post on the occasion of my Thirty-Eighth birthday, begging one and all not to hit me with a bus. When I was a teenager my friends and I had a weird running joke that I would die at Thirty-Eight years of age. And the cause of death? Being hit by a bus. I don't believe in the supernatural, but I do believe in the freaky power of the human mind and I was always concerned that my Id might get a kick out of throwing itself and the rest of me in front of a bus just for the thrill of a self-fulfilling prophecy. Well, here's to you Super-Ego, for keeping that bastard Id in check once more. Now that I'm past that hurdle, I'll never have to worry about dying again!

Oh, yeah, and Happy Birthday to me.

Hoodwinked

When Hoodwinked came out in the theaters, I wanted nothing to do with it, though the other family members went to see it and enjoyed it. I generally hate kids movies and the ads just looked like they were playing against stereotypes in the most worn way, particularly in the character of Granny who was into extreme sports. But as we did some early birthday things for me and worked on the wife's homework over at her house today, they popped Hoodwinked on and I had more than a few good laughs. Save for my original issues with the movie, it was really well written, funny and had a clever interweaving storyline. And Patrick Warburton did the voice of the wolf. I don't care that he's done a hundred animated characters and they all sound the same. He's got one of the greatest voices ever. I could listen to him all day. Good music too. If you haven't seen this movie, take a look. You might even let the kids join you.