2008: The One-Thousand's Year In Review

Just a quick rundown on writing progress made this year. Thirty-two stories closer to one-thousand! Son-of-who-cut-your-navel-string! Yes, I know that I've got to do a lot more than thrity-two a year to meet my goal. And yes, I know that something like fourteen of those stories were micro-fiction for Thaumatrope and a lot were flash fiction, but I did have a few longer dealies in there: Unit One, Maisy's Many Souls, The Guy Who Made Only McDonald's, Jim Sawgrass and the Family Bulbs. I consider 2008 a big win. In comparison, I only completed five stories in 2007 and four in 2006. So there. Yay, 2008!

I made ninety-three submissions in 2008, thirty-two in 2007 and fifty-seven in 2006. I have records going back to 1991 (sad, isn't it?), but I figure the last two years are good enough for our purposes.

Normally at this point, I'd discuss how well I did in relation to my writing goals for the year, but I didn't seem to have made any for 2008. Well, I can't strictly say that because in December of 2007 I planned out how I was going to turn my NaNoWriMo novel into a real novel which would have taken most of 2008. I abandoned that rather quickly. I generally suck with goals. I had no short story goals for the year and I did rather well. Goals take the piss out of me. I think just looking at them disheartens me and I quit before I start.

So here are my goals for 2009. I would like to write ninety stories and one novel in 2009. There's no way I'll do that, but that's my goal. Actually I could do the story part with really short stories. Hmmm. A really short novel? I'd like to make two-hundred submissions in 2009. That's possible.

What I'd like to do that's not quantifiable is become more of myself through my work. My writing life has been a struggle to find the essence of what I do. I don't know where that is, but it will be far enough from everything else to be distinguishable. I want to get closer to wherever that is.

Thaumatrope is temporarily closed to submissions but it looks like its Daddy, N.E. Lilly, has got a new flash thing going at Everyday Weirdness. I'll have to see if I have anything for him and if not, write something.

I might not be posting tomorrow, I don't know yet. If not, I wish all of you a wonderful New Year's Eve (The wife calls it Old Year's Night) and I hope everyone will have a wonderful 2009. Like my goals, I know it can't happen, but I'm hoping it just the same. Again, so there.

Screwkulele

We got a ukulele in at the store a while ago that came with a book and extra strings. My son and I have been wanting one so I bought it for Christmas. It's crap. I suspected it might be, because it seemed on the cheap side. Not that I go around pricing ukuleles, but it seemed pretty cheap. So I got what I paid for. Tomorrow it gets returned. It needs a fret that it was never given. It sounded like ass when I tuned it by ear yesterday. Today I went online at Pineapple Pete's Uke School, which seems like a pretty handy site for a beginner, and tuned each string to the notes there and then it sounded a hell of a lot better. That is, until I tried a couple chords. As soon as you finger a note, it's out of tune with the open strings. What a mess. Now I'll look around music stores for a real uke.

My Favorite Christmas Song Ever

Merry Christmas all. I probably won't be posting tomorrow, because I'll be in one of those mystery no-internet zones that are still sprinkled about the planet. So here's Christmas. My favorite ever Christmas song for your pleasure. Yes, I know it's from the eighties, shut up already. Billy Squier rocks! Enjoy the very unique Santa dance at 1:36.

Aural Delights Christmas Special!

Merry Christmas Eve, my plucky little elves!

The StarShipSofa is pleased to present a special Christmas episode of Aural Delights, featuring a gorgeous illustration of the China Miéville feature story by Skeet!

Aural Delights No 56 China Miéville

Editorial: Tony C Smith

Flash Fiction: A Christmas Tale by Davis Kopaska-Merkel

Flash Fiction: Robowassailing by Allen Steele

Fact: Sofa Art by Skeet

Main Fiction: 'Tis The Season by China Miéville

Narrators: Diane Severson, MCL, Amy H Sturgis

www.starshipsofa.com

Two Exits, No Waiting

Food poisoning yesterday. Absolutely trashed me. As Robin Williams put it, "Your body says, 'Everybody out! Two exits, no waiting!'" Nine hours of that! And then I could barely move. The wife picked me up to take me to her house and take care of me. She had to help me get dressed. A Powerade did wonders for me. That and many, many hours of sleep. I still had to call out of work today, just walking the dog put me back in bed for hours. I'm feeling much better now and should be back at it tomorrow.

I just sent out The Dog Planet. That's number 88 of The One-Thousand. I'd write more, but I've got a bazillion things to catch up on and it wouldn't surprise me if more sleep was one of them.

Triumph!

Not the state of victory, not the Roman military procession, but the band. Watch Mike Levine channel Derek Smalls at the beginning:



Now, I'm not one of those guys who is stuck in the eighties. I love lots of new music, but I keep finding these wonderful gems from my misspent youth and now, in my misspent adulthood, I want to share them with all of you. Having said that:


I LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF THIS BAND! WOOOOOO!



And this is me just digging the video in my bedroom. I actually saw the guys on this tour (Sport of Kings) back in 1987, though it was in Worcester, Mass, not Halifax where this video was shot. Best concert ever! They were ten times better live than in the studio.

Here's a funny lighter story. I saw nearly every show I've ever seen in the eighties. I went to see Rush (That other godlike Canadian power trio) with my wife in 1996. Before the show I told her we had to get lighters.
"Why? We don't smoke," she sez.
"No," I sez, "It's for Closer to the Heart (I speak in italics like that sometimes). Everybody holds up their lighters at the beginning of Closer to the Heart."



Besides seeing this on their concert videos, I saw them twice in '87 on the Hold Your Fire Tour. So I knew whereof I spoke. We're at the concert, yay, song, song, song, then Alex starts up with the beginning of Closer to the Heart.
"Quick, get out your lighter!" I told my wife. We hold up our lighters and I look around this crowd of maybe 12,000 people and their are maybe ten lighters lit in the whole goddamned audience.
"Okay, put away your lighter," I said. Sheepishly would be the proper adverb here.

Enough of that crap. I achieved 87 today with Cranberry God. I think Thaumatrope is choking on submissions. My last one is set to run on July 3rd and I read a message after submitting Cranberry God that said, Please wait for a response to this submission before sending another. So that will slow me down. But it was bound to happen.

Call Me Butter, Cuz I Am On A Roll

85: The Song of the Modular Men

86: The South Rises Again

I told you it was going to get stupid. But I've got to get to some serious writing. Besides the story I'm working on, Fiction Crawler is long overdue.

But Sleepy Time now.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz . . .

83 And 84. And Socks

Sold my two Easter stories to Thaumatrope yesterday. That brings my total Thaumatrope sales to 6. The success is quite heady. I may have to lie down. My first rejection from them might be devastating! I sent two more stories last night: Political Flavors (83) and Tomorrow's Love Never Comes (84) These have no particular theme as there's no holiday call.

Outside of that, my writing has been stink city this week. Productivity has been low, low, low. As I said, Sunday was great, but between my funky schedule, errands and Christmas shopping (and screwing around here), I have been seriously slacky. And I had such high hopes on Sunday. Well, the nice thing about not being dead yet, is that you can say, "I'll do better in the future." You may not do better, but you can say it and that feels nice.

Last day of school today before Christmas break. Hooray! Aside from Christmas Day, I may not have to get up at 5 am for a couple of weeks. That's my Christmas present. And socks.

They Shall Call Me A Visionary

Lookie here. The Boingers pointed to this story today about a bunch of freaks in Iowa who garlic salt their streets: Iowa Town's Roads Well Seasoned. Note the date of the story. December 17th, 2008.

Now, note the date of this post, A Season For All Seasonings: July 29th, 2007! That's right, bastards. I saw it coming nearly a year and a half before they did it. Nostradamus can suck it. I didn't even need to hide it in a quatrain! Think about it, Church, this cult has got it goin' on now! A leader with verifiable prophecies? Son of a gun!

New Flight Of The Conchords

This is what I had to say: Here's episode 1 of Season 2 of Flight of the Conchords from Funny or Die. I was on the fence about whether or not to post this, because it can only be seen in the U.S. apparently and it might only be viewable for a few days. Sorry to everyone who can't see it, but it may reach a few people who didn't know it was out there and who can enjoy it, so here it is. The season starts on January 18th.

Season 2 Online Premiere - Flight of the Conchords (US Only) - watch more funny videos

Thought I Had More To Say

Sold my two St. Patrick's Day stories to Thaumatrope and sent two Easter stories: Out of One Basket (81) and Grass Monkey (82). Every day is a holiday at Thaumatrope submissions. It's the happiest place on the net.

I've decided to stick with The One-Thousand (the goal, I mean). If I meet the goal in a way I hadn't expected, then so be it. When it's done, I'll set another goal, that's all.

Man, I was certain I had more to say. Maybe I'll say something else later today.

StarShipSofa - Aural Delights No. 55

Nominations are over and the finalists are in! It's time for listeners to vote for their favorites for the first annual Sofanauts Awards! Voting is open until January 23rd. By the by, I'm a big fat finalist in the Best Fact Article Contributor category. Honestly, it won't bother me a bit if Amy or Jim wins, their stuff is great, but if you do like my goods the best, give me a vote. My "Sorry you didn't get in there"'s go out to all my fellow Sofa-sitters who didn't get in there. Sorry.


This Week, the StarShipSofa is proud to present a story by Ben Bova on Aural Delights No. 55. Blast Off!

Aural Delights No 55 Ben Bova

Editorial: Tony C Smith

Poetry: How I will Outwit the Time Thieves by Mike Allen

Flash Fiction: Magician by Jeff VanderMeer

Fact: Singularity by Cory Doctorow

The Process Diary by Paul Caggegi

The Sofanauts Awards: by Mark Bormann

Main Fiction: Inspiration by Ben Bova

Narrators: Chrispy, Mark Nelson, Annette Bowman

This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. Download a free audiobook of your choice today at audiblepodcast.com/sofa

www.starshipsofa.com

A Thaumatropic Orgy!

I sold my two stories to Thaumatrope today. Yay! One was a Valentine's Day story. My man Church sold one as well and I think they're giving Grant his own spinoff magazine. As an aside, Church doesn't seem to want to follow me. Is it my bottom? Because if it is, I'm perfectly fine with him following me from the front.

I just wrote and sent in two more stories. They're now calling for St. Patrick's Day stories. Now understand, I don't title the stories in my submissions. Those are precious characters I cannot spare (each of today's stories were precisely one-hundred and forty characters). But for the purpose of The One-Thousand, I have to title them. To tell them apart if for no other reason. I'm not going to call them something like: Untitled (The one about the guy with the thing). Today's stories were: Again With the Green Beer (79) and Unlucky (80).

Michael Swanwick shares a wonderful anecdote about Galileo's Finger. Scroll down a tad. It's there. And Diane turned me onto Nicola Griffith's interesting new project. Check it out, you might want to get involved.

My Life's Goal Has Just Been Turned On Its Head

There's a new magazine in town called Thaumatrope and it publishes on Twitter. That's right, Twitter, the land where no post can exceed one-hundred and forty characters. I just learned about it a couple of days ago on John Scalzi's blog. He did an interview there. My compadre, Grant Stone, has pounced on this and asked me just an hour ago if I'd submitted. I checked into it and I've already submitted two stories.

Here's where it gets stupid.

Given my my rules at the onset of The One-Thousand, these stories count toward my goal. Hell, Thaumatrope is even a paying market! Given all this, I could conceivably meet my goal in a few months time, rather than ten years. By the way, for those of you keeping track: Bright Idea (Number 77) and Sweetheart (Number 78). This isn't exactly what I had in mind, but that was the goal. This changes everything. I'll have to rethink.

How does The Ten-Thousand sound to everyone?