Saturday, October 21, 2006

Money Men

by Matthew Sanborn Smith

When Chick was a lad he used to draw funny pictures on money, like adding beards to Ben Franklin and the like, but one day his uncle told him it was illegal and the FBI would take him away. This terrified him but his need to deface money was too great to give up. He made little removable clothes and hats from Post-It notes and stuck them on the money. Take that, FBI! Lincoln looked quite fetching in his pink tuxedo. Chick liked the look of Jackson in a blue sequined gown and big hoopy earrings.

When Chick was an adult, his work was known throughout the land. The evil Mr. No took Chick's work one step too far. He didn't merely make clothes for the money men. He made little robotic bodies! And he sent his mighty army of minions out to take over the world. They wrought havoc, overturning buses and making U-turns where none should have been made. Chick knew something had to be done. He ran through the streets screaming, "They're money! Hey, everybody, they're money!"

Remarkably, greed overcame fear. People picked up the little devil dolls and stuck them in their pockets. When the bots tried to crawl out, the people tore off their tiny limbs, ignored the chilling screams and went out and had a nice dinner for a change.

Mr. No was pissed when he remembered that he had needed that cash and even more pissed when he remembered that the cash served no practical purpose on the robotic bodies. How did this guy go on to earn his doctorate? No matter. After that, he was someone else's problem.

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